2021 Reflections

"I found my voice." That's one single thought keeping coming up during the last few weeks. Finally I found a place where I can do what I love and speak what I think and I am being listened to, PEOPLE! Just lucky? Perhaps. But I've persevered, not giving up and had faith in what I do. It's not easy, most of time painful when I seem to be the only person believing what I do. It can crush you, the toxic environment. It almost did on me. If I hadn't realized that I am the only one who ultimately decides my future, I don't think you will find much from this blog now.

Here in the new place I am recognized, given responsibilities and sought for collaboration. I feel I've blossomed overnight. I feel upbeat and incredibly grateful starting my next 20 years of professional life. Thank you who has helped me along the way. This year has meant so much to me, as much professionally as personally.

Lastly, I want to share with you words from my most revered Maya Angelou.

"There were times when it was said that I had more determination than talent. This may be said of many. It may also be said that life loves the person who dares to live it."

May you have a happy end of year festivities and peace. 

2021 weekly - week 12

21/03/2021, Sunday

This week's menu

Roast Pork shoulder and puy lentils

Grilled Lamb Steak with Potato Leek Gratin

Smoked Salmon

Green Beans and Tomatoes

Broccoli Soup

Wow, my roast pork is best ever tonight. No kidding. My first time trying the brining method and it worked out so well. The roasted piece came out with nice cracking and so juicy meat. I prepared half of the brine from Tom Kerridge and marinated my pork shoulder for 24 hours. I then roasted the meat at 180C for 2.5 hours on top of onions and garlic with a cup of sherry/water in a roasting tin. Everything was beautiful, meat tender, flavorful and moist, the cracking is crispy. So much easier than my old method where I had to air dry the skin and fry after roasting. This method is so much easier and will be my main method of roasting from now on!

22/03/2021, Monday

Today's exercise:

AM: FB Total Body 40 min

Readers, I've got it!

23/03/2021, Tuesday

Today's exercise:

AM: FB Lunges + Pilates 30 min

I accepted the offer. It didn't take long to decide but I spent the whole day thinking the transition. I thought I could leave without being sentimental but I actually find it hard preparing for my exit. My projects are moving into an exciting phase. I feel so sad that I cannot be with them anymore, the people I enjoy working with the most. I have to put up a straight face accepting new meetings while with millions of things going through my head. That's what 20 years do to you.

24/03/2021, Wednesday

Today's exercise:

AM: FB Lower Body 40 min 

The stars have been aligned for me lately. Thank you (who ever is up there)!

People I don't know or have not got in touch for a long time have offered their help to me instantly. I feel so lucky and grateful.

25/03/2021, Thursday

Today's exercise:

AM: FB Lower Body HIIT 45 min 

I spoke to my line manager about my decision to leave. I wasn't really dreading but I did wonder how it would go. It turned out it went pretty smoothly and quickly.

LM's first reaction: where are you heading?

EM' first answer: a lady never tells

LM's second question: Who are going to take over your work?

EM's second answer: I'm sure you will find somebody

LM's third comment: Thank you for all your good work. I wish you good luck.

EM's third reply: Thank you for the support and the opportunities.

For an EM whose CV is peppered with patents and papers, that's all LM could say. Well, LM could be in shock, whereas EM has been prepared for a week. Of course, it could also be that the manager simply didn't give a damn. Well, his loss. So, voila, the dice has been officially cast. I am a step closer to my dream.

26/03/2021, Friday

Today's exercise:

AM: FB Cardio + Upper body 45 min

Good to be back on FB routine. I feel good!

2021 weekly - week 25

20/06/2021, Sunday

The weather is grey, but my mind is oh so sunny! 

I feel very blessed these few days. I have to say that getting such (good) attention from your boss continuously is very unusual for me. I know it won't last as it's only natural that life goes up and down in a cycle. I want to remember how motivated and determined I am feeling right now to make a new life out of my new adventure. Not in a million years would I ever expect to be affirmed, supported and looked after like this. I know I am the lucky one.

2021 weekly - week 24

13/06/2021, Sunday

Last week before I start new life. Can't wait!

It was not intentional but we had our first BBQ in the garden today in 10 years?! We used a disposable one which worked really well for two. Lamb chops, sausages and veggie/halloumi skewers. Cold fruits to finish. It's a lovely warm summer evening.

I say - Je m'en vais

As the clock strikes midnight 9 hours ago, I am officially out. Out of this god forsaken work place where people do things without questioning and hating it the same time (not me), free from conscious sidelining and constant warding off fireballs (it's me). You known the problem with office politics, even if you choose not to take part, you get drawn in regardless. Because you are either with zem or against. That's how zey think and act. 

The best thing out of pandemic has to be my new adventure. I am proud that I made the decision to move away and look for a place better overall. It was hard work no doubt but I felt that I've carved a way out of this big mess. And I am determined to make it work.

So au revoir, GFWP.

Bonjour, my new adventure. I can't wait to get to know you.

2021 weekly - week 19

08/05/2021, Sunday

Mini victory: I finally got my KitchenAid micro processor to work! The first two attempts were a complete failure. First I couldn't figure out how to remove the lid and then failed to get the whole thing to run. Today, I thought I would give it another go before I bin the whole thing. And voila! Here it goes. The manual is very bad, not helpful at all. I relied on youtube videos to figure out how to remove the lid but couldn't figure out how to get it to run. The trick is that the base/bowl has to be locked. For a first timer, it's really tricky to figure out.

This week's menu

Lamb steak, tomato pea stew and rice

Chicken and Red Pesto Stew

Roast cod with Pesto Topping

Cauliflower and Tomato Soup

2021 weekly - week 18

01/05/2021, Saturday

I told my friend C about my new job. It feels so good to finally talk to someone about it. The first person outside my professional network (and only a handful on the need to know basis) to know about my new job was my dentist. How sad was that?! Anyway, C is the first one from my friend circle to know about it. We chatted a little today. My feeling towards C has changed and flip-flopped over the years. I don't know whether she's my best friend or not but we talk the most for sure. I suppose, in a way, that makes her my best friend. She has been proactive reaching out to me and I feel guilty that I don't reach out to her as much as she does to me. After 20 years, perhaps it says something about our relationship.

I am glad you are with me on this journey, C.

02/05/2021, Sunday

This week's menu

Roast Pork Shoulder with Lentils

Salmon teriyaki with Rice

Green Beans and Tomatoes

Cauliflower and Tomato Basil Soup

I think - I just want to give myself another chance

As cliché as it may sound, I've done lots of soul searching since I broke my ankle and the pandemic. 

Going to work (or logging in these days) has become quite a mental will exercise for me. For several years, the only time I was happy at work was my lunch break at the gym when I only needed to concentrate on my body coordination. 

The work remains interesting but the place offers no chance of growth for me. While most people are courteous, there are always a few playing games. I tried to tough it out by keeping my eyes on the work but it didn't work. The stress and distraction from the environment was just too much for me. It took me a while before I recognized the signs that my body had been complaining all along. And I started to imagine if I were sick, maybe I didn't have to go to work. If this is not a warning sign, then I don't know what was.

Then, I chanced upon several life coaching podcasts and some career changing blog posts. I am completely enlightened in a way I couldn't have imagined. The only thing I can control is how my brain thinks and believes. Also, I've forgotten how important it was to highlight personal qualities during job hunting. All the external labels are meaningless and not useful to separate candidates apart. What makes me stand out is not my professional skills but how I am as a person.

And I learned to recognize the difference between resilience and obstinateness. Resilience is about the will to restart anywhere, and should not be confused with staying put. Sometimes status quo is more about being obstinate than resilient. Sometimes it takes more wisdom to move on or cut your losses. Once I figured this out, my vision is clear. I know exactly what I want and need to do. 

And I can see my future self says this to the current one: Don't write yourself off so quickly. You alone decide how yourself should be judged.

So I decided to give myself another chance. 

I changed my employer to give another shot in life. A new chapter is ahead of me. I can't wait!