I am grateful

Just had my Q3 review. I know it's rare to hear but I am really grateful for my manager. Every time I am done with my catch-up, I feel reenergized. How rare is that! 

Thank you, N!

Hey, how's your summer 2026?

Here in the UK, it's one heatwave after another.  It starts to feel like my birth country! But, you know, it cools down blissfully in the evening (most nights), I have a lot less occurrence of eczema than I used to in summer, and my folks are with me. My body still functions normally when it gets hot. I am surrounded by loved ones with love. I am the lucky one.

I got stressed yesterday because of a work thing. Then I saw this today: The sky doesn’t change, even in a storm. And I started to breath normally. Yes I made an unintentional admin oversight. I owned up to it and I also emphasized the risk-to-benefit ratio, which remains highly in our favor. Just connect with your inner sky, the happiest man said. It's never been truer.

And that led to this reflection. I've been going through many professional challenges in my long work life. only very recently did I realize how much it has helped shaped and consolidated the idea about what kind of person I want to be. Always do the right thing and help others when you can. That's what I've been living my life. I know it's hard sometimes but this has helped me sleep so much better at night and makes me a content person.

I wish you a good summer.

2025 Reflections - Notes on a very full year

Where to start? What a year 2025 turned out to be. If 2024 was about change, then this past year felt like that same chapter but written in bold CAPITAL letters.

The first half of the year felt like a masterclass in how to do everything at once. Between hiring a new team, working with my first external mentor, running CV workshops, and organizing a brainstorm day, I felt like I was constantly switching my brain between different frequencies. But amidst that chaos, there were such beautiful pockets of humanity. Having an old friend visit was a true soul recharge. Reconnecting with a former colleague and learning the ropes of leadership kept me going, even when things felt heavy.

Can an empathic leader really work?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my role as a manager. Sure, I am officially the Head of Group, but most days I honestly feel like the group secretary. I give the overall direction, but I also find myself anticipating everyone else's needs and acting as a human alarm clock for every single deadline. I find myself wondering if I am doing too much. Should grown adults not be responsible for their own schedules?

I try to be an empathetic leader, but I have started to feel like some people take that as a signal to just ride over me. I am still trying to find that right boundary. I know I shouldn't just be their buddy, but there is so much gray area in between. Finding that balance is my mission for 2026. While it is easy to focus on the few who take advantage of my kindness when I am exhausted at 6:00 PM, I am making a conscious effort to pivot my focus to those who genuinely appreciate the support.

There is also the situation with a new senior level colleague. I have been doing my best to help him get settled, but it is starting to feel like he is taking advantage of that. It feels like his goal is to use my help just to beat me. I don't really understand why some people cannot just help each other without making it a competition. I am not going to change who I am or stop being helpful, but I do feel a bit lost as to why it has to be this way.

What truly matters

This year brought health scares that we did not see coming. First it was me, and then it was my husband. I am mostly in the clear now, but he is still being followed by the doctors. Sitting in those waiting rooms really changes your perspective on what a busy schedule actually means.

The more the pressure built up this year, the more a familiar truth rose to the surface. It is a belief that has followed me for a long time, but the turbulence of 2025 turned it into an anchor. In those quiet, bewildering moments at the end of a day, I realized once again that life is just a biological fact until we give it a reason to be more, a purpose. My purpose is found in connection. It is about making sure that my presence in this world actually matters to the people I encounter.

I did not just give this year; I also received so much. I think of my external mentor who spent time talking to me about whatever topic I threw at her. I think of my former colleague who accepted my request for help without asking any questions. I think of my work colleagues who ploughed on with me under tight deadlines and senseless requests. I feel very fortunate because of them. They reminded me that even when people try to take advantage, there are others who show up with genuine hearts.

The ultimate confirmation came on December 30th. I got a card from S who told me I had made her life more significant and meaningful. She probably has no idea how much that meant to me. In a year where I often felt drained or used, that one card was a sign that I am on the right path. It reminded me why I keep trying to be the person I am. I am learning to focus my energy on the people who actually value the effort.

Looking Ahead: From Feasting to Fighting

Did I try my best in this year (2025)? Yes. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt.

I officially head back to work tomorrow after a solid two weeks of "The Great Hibernation." I joked with my husband that we essentially slave away for 11 months and two weeks just so we can earn fourteen glorious days of indulgence, feasting, and sleeping until noon. Honestly? It was worth it.

I am heading into 2026 with a better sense of my own value and a lot of gratitude for the people who actually show up for me. I hope you all had a good rest and feel ready for whatever comes next.

2025 Christmas Game Plan

Every year I have to ask myself when I start making Christmas fare so this year I've decided to write it down. Here we go:

First weekend of December - preparing Fresh Cranberry Mincemeat for my frangipane mince pies. Set up the wooden sapin.

Second weekend of December - making mince pies. Each batch of pie crust yields 16-20 mince pies. I usually make two batches to use up all the mincemeat. They freeze and reheat well.

Christmas Eve Morning - Cranberry and orange loaf followed by Bûche de Noël. The preparation and oven time seems to follow well. Cranberry loaf is optional but tastes really festive. As Bûche de Noël needs two rounds of cooling, it's better to start in the morning so that you can decorate in the afternoon.

Christmas Eve Afternoon - making Braised Red Cabbage. This is the only time we eat red cabbage. It's seasonal with color to match. It's easy to prepare and a good side for all meat mains.

That's everything, folks (if only!).

Have a happy Christmas.

2024 Reflections

2024 is a year of self transformation. Early this year, I have made a conscious decision to read more and make my reading work for me. It started by taking notes when reading a book. What does each chapter say, what I think of the writing, who would be interested in the topic. By being a more "proactive" reader, my memory retention is getting better when it comes to book reading. I finished 6 books in 2024, taking notes for three books. Book reading enriches my mind like no others. Perhaps I have more time to think over a longer length of time? I will continue reading in 2025 and improve my memory retention of books I read. 

There are big changes in the way I conduct myself this year. Probably for the very first time I realise a deep desire in me regarding where I want to go professionally and I put effort into it. That means interacting with people more, upwards and downwards. Speak out more and think strategically more. Behave in a way that you want to be seen. Yes, I've made it to the goal and gained more. I discovered that I am surrounded by many people who like me and want to help me. I feel so honoured, humble and grateful at the same time. People from work or outside work whom I'd lost touch until this year. I do feel that the world is rallying behind me when I set out a goal to achieve. Thank you.

As I have been also promptly reminded by Morgan Housel in "Same as Ever":

Everything worth pursuing comes with pain. The trick is not minding that it hurts. Endure the pain when necessary rather than assuming there is a hack, or a shortcut, around it.

and to remember that:

Advantage has a shelf life. Keep running is the only way to stay competitive.

I can't assume job done now I've reached my initial goal. I have to continue doing what I have been doing, reading or otherwise to make sure enrichment in life continues for me. And that's my 2025 wish and goal.

To all of you out there, may your 2025 be full of excitement, hard work, passion, caring, loving and fun. Happy New Year.

I've Got It!

This is the most transformative year ever.

Not the job I just earned, but the personal transformation I've had. Asking for opportunities to be seen differently and guiding people to see what I can offer. Stepping out of my comfort zone doesn't cut it. It's like walking from north pole to south pole.

I truly have no regrets of doing this. I am apprehensive of what may come but I already started to enjoy the feeling being relied upon for my expertise.

I know I am the lucky one. 

Words Don't Come Easy

I finished my interview yesterday. 

Frankly, I wasn't sure whether I had enough time to prepare. I had two very busy weeks before this week and travelled to the US and back. To be honest, my slides were only finalized two nights before the day, one day to practice and adding a last-minute slide the night before which turned out to be one of the most discussed slides.  

Stars must have been aligned for me this week.

The most amazing thing from this experience is that the support and encouragements shown by the people I know. My current colleagues (some of them interviewers) and my ex-colleague who offered to help me prepare the interview. 

Thank you, G, N, C, M, J, T, F and D, your belief and kindness meant a world to me. 

Words by F.R. David

Words don't come easy to me

How can I find a way to make you see I love you

Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me

This is the only way for me to say I love you

Words don't come easy

Well, I'm just a music man

Melodies are so far my best friend

But my words are coming out wrong

Girl, I reveal my heart to you and

Hope that you believe it's true 'cause

Words don't come easy to me

How can I find a way to make you see I love you

Words don't come easy

This is just a simple song

That I've made for you on my own

There's no hidden meaning you know when I

When I say I love you honey

Please believe I really do 'cause

Words don't come easy to me

How can I find a way to make you see I love you

Words don't come easy

It isn't easy words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me

How can I find a way to make you see I love you

Words don't come easy

Don't come easy to me

This is the only way for me to say I love you

Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy

Dear Darlin

The drums and the violins, feeling very pumped after listening to this!

Dear Darlin was co-written by Olly Murs, Ed Drewett and Jim Eliot.

She Endorsed Me

Create your own narrative, otherwise others would be more than happy to do it for you.

Thank you for your support, S. It means more than you know.

My Lucky Star

 

Laura Huang:

People generally underestimate two things: 

    How hard it is to get your foot in the door as an outsider. 

    How wide doors are open once you’re on the inside. 

It took me three failed attempts before I successfully changed employers. I don't know how my number compares to others but it takes me roughly one year to recover for every failed job application. When you give it all, you could lose it all. 

But you know what? I realize that I can be resilient and I only need one Yes. So instead of the number of failure, I look at success. You always learn something from the process. That's what I discover. So rest assured that your effort is never in vain.

And since I made my first successful move, the place continues to impress me with its people and quality of work. This is the first time I have honestly say that I feel being trusted with what I can do and with my potential, sometimes more than I trust myself. I am truly grateful given the opportunities and also pleased about making myself change. For M, even our circles rarely overlap, I am eternally grateful for your faith in me.  

Laura Huang:

Acknowledge that it takes time to get good at anything. Enjoy the process of getting better and better each day, and then you can start to enjoy the result without getting hammered down where it's crowded.

Take comfort in knowing that your basic goods and your perspective matter. You can create an edge.

Stepping out of comfort zone

I did something that I would have never done before. I asked for an opportunity to apply to a position which is currently open to the public. I don't know whether I would get it. I know there are qualified people out there. I just wanted to give it a shot at a once-in-a-life opportunity when everything feels right to me.

This is something I've been secretly working. I even talked to a few people to gather opinions. I would have never done that before. I hope to retire in 10 years and some think it's early. It's borderline but it's now or never for me if I want to give a shot to anything. So, what else can I lose?

The person I officially talked to today is easy to talk to and friendly at least on the surface. You never know what/how this person will say behind my back. I gave a decent pitch, not much I would regret. 

The more grey hair I get, the more comfortable I feel about myself and doing things to avoid regrets. This is one of them. 

So this deserves a post, to commemorate a milestone that I, a life long I-get-what-I'm-given, finally dared to ask for what I really want. 

Remember, you just need one Yes, so never mind the Nos. 

Focus and Confidence

Here is the description of a tarot card I picked:

In addition to maintaining passionate and interested in your goals, you also have to work hard to keep going. You must believe that you can overcome all challenges. Please keep your emotion under control.

You know, I've been pursuing a professional project since January. The journey has been bumpy and I've been telling myself that confidence does not mean competence. Just because you feel confident, it doesn't mean you have grown equally in ability. I came across this revelation while watching one of many self-growth and self-help videos this year. I thought to myself , yeah, maybe that's my problem all along. I have become tired and irritable by facing one after another unsatisfactory pursuit. I was about to give up and I saw my tarot card reading.

Morgan Housel has said that if you continue to be good for a long time, you will succeed in the end. I think I am pretty good with what I am doing and I've been doing it for 20+ years. I am in a place with people who appreciate what I am doing. Not everyone is as lucky as me. I just need to keep at it. Focus on what works and confident that it will bring reward in the end.

Best realization this year so far.

This Too Shall Pass

I heard another colleague at similar age as me passed away recently.  Three people since 2023, younger or around my age. I feel shallow spending time thinking about money and career advancement (it's been on my mind a lot lately).  

I know in the end none of this matters. What means most to me is to know that some people's lives got better because of me, that I made some people smile and laugh even just momentarily, and that people know I am grateful for their kindness.

Meaningful connection with people, this is what makes me happy and fulfilled deeply.

So why am I chasing vanity? This is something I need to work on.

Life is short. Nothing is constant. Take every day as your last day. Cliché but still rings true. Accept that I am ordinary and just trying to make sense of my life journey. 

Enjoy rainstorm as well as sunny days, embrace defeat as well as success. Nothing is supposed to be. This too shall pass.

Happy New Year 2024

And here it is, year 2024. I started the year feeling incredibly lucky to receive many happy new year wishes from my old and new friends, some not been in contact for a while, a student who spent two months with me, and my ex mentors. 

I wish you good health and ability to do what makes you happy.

Have a good year. 

All Clear - Best News of the Year 2023

08/12/2023

Today I received a letter which I have been waiting since 2020. My endoscopy results came back confirming healing of my guts. It's been a long process, with multiple visits to the hospital and numerous rounds of self elimination of problematic food sources. Finally, my internal results are consistent with my outward symptoms. I finally feel weight off my shoulder. Since being diagnosed of the condition, I'd been living under the stress wondering whether I was poisoning my body each time I ate. 

I think I am doing fine now. Thanks to everyone who has helped me on my recovery process.

My reflections on 2022

It's been a long while since I wrote. I hope all of you are warm and well, ready for the end of the year holidays.

Just a week before we officially celebrate the birth of Jesus, Constitution day in Taiwan, or my niece's birthday, 2022 has gone in a flash. So many things have happened. Mostly satisfactory and for sure I am grateful for everything.  

Let me start with the only thing which bothered me. My boss put forward a promotion plan back in November for me as well as my colleague for the same title. Spoiler first, we both got the promotion. Knowing how much effort and time I've put in and in the end we both promoted to the same position leaves a unpleasant taste in my mouth. Why working extra time at nights and during weekends if in the end it seems making no difference? The hurtful point is that I actually delivered on the tasks I'm given (more than one person can reasonably handle, may I add) whereas the other colleague for sure has not produced as much and shown much leadership. So perhaps my boss weighted group harmony more than individual achievement? I can't blame him on that but this action has curtailed my motivation to work extra time. I even thought about contacting head hunters. That's how much hurt I've felt.

Ironically, a few weeks later (after being told about the promotion result) my boss told me that I've selected to be in a project management role, not by him but by others in charge. A step up on the ladder, yes, a huge boost in my moral and confidence, absolutely! I feel my hard work and my ability to deliver have finally being seen and recognized. So I now very much look forward to 2023, with new challenges and new projects on the horizon. We leave a trail where we go. It's true.

Next year my mini group will grow from 2 to 4! Being a group leader is certainly an interesting and humble experience for me. Knowing that I may be part of someone's professional experience is quite scary and refreshing. It makes me want to be a better scientist. Both of my group members are hard working, smart and with lots of self drives. I am very lucky to have them.

I visited home in November first time in 3 years. It's incredible to see how a tiny little virus stops the world from running its usual. Everyone is well but my parents are undoubtedly aging. I have to say that the thought of moving back has surfaced more than usual these days.

The funny thing is that my 9-yr old niece wants to talk to me weekly. I don't how long it would last. I am flattered that she wants to talk to a last-century person. Ha!

So that's my 2022. I talked mostly about work as this is something important for me. I am still surrounded by people I care. Lucky to be so lucky.

Nancy Pelosi

Thank you, Mrs Pelosi. Taiwan has been suppressed and excluded from the international stage as long as I remember and in 2022 you shared the spotlight with us making the world see and hear who we are. I am forever grateful.

Lost, but found!

I recently got my step counter. Yes I know it's so last decade but I am really into it. Two weeks on I lost it!! On the morning I was due to meet my friend, I clipped it onto my belt loop thinking that I was going to clock in thousands of steps today. Of course the day went by fast as usual. By the time I remembered to check my step count. It's GONE! Gone! How can I lose it only after two week?! I was gutted. Really annoyed by myself. I knew it's prone to be dislodged but usually I caught it by the sound. But not this time.

Next day getting driven to work, what's this thing at the back of my seat? It's my step counter!! My Step Counter is back!! Super happy knowing that I didn't lose it after all. Well, I did lose it as soon as I got out of the car yesterday. No matter. I am soooo pleased that it's now back with me.

Muuuaaaah!

Happy Jubilee!

08 May 2022

It must be true: the more miserable I am, the more prolific this blog is. There are longer and longer pauses here. Not that I don't have anything to write. Quite the contrary. It's really the time I need to write which is lacking. If you happen to stumble over here, no news is good news. Really.

What's been happening in my life? Well, did I tell you that I flunk my endoscopy exam? Flunking is really what I feel because I've tried so hard to be meticulously gluten free. I even made myself believe that I was fully healed. But no, according to the results, damages are still there. After reviewing my cupboard again and compare the symptoms pop up with food eaten at the time, I hate to admit that it may be oats. OATS! One of my favorite foods and an ingredient which makes gluten free baking more tolerable. I really start to think that it's God's intention to punish my gluttony. What more do I have to let go? Knock on wood, my eczema has stayed put since I stayed away from oats. I won't find out until my next endoscopy whether oats is the reason. Please let oats be the reason, as painful as it may be. I don't want to waste more NHS resources and I want to free my mind of food damaging my health. 

I bought some flower bulbs from a sale at Homebase yesterday. Today, I planted begonia, anemones and dahlia in as many pots as I can find. Summer awaits.

I stand with Ukraine

 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-60506682

I am so sad and angry about the war. I don't know what to do. I can just donate. I feel so useless.