As cliché as it may sound, I've done lots of soul searching since I broke my ankle and the pandemic.
Going to work (or logging in these days) has become quite a mental will exercise for me. For several years, the only time I was happy at work was my lunch break at the gym when I only needed to concentrate on my body coordination.
The work remains interesting but the place offers no chance of growth for me. While most people are courteous, there are always a few playing games. I tried to tough it out by keeping my eyes on the work but it didn't work. The stress and distraction from the environment was just too much for me. It took me a while before I recognized the signs that my body had been complaining all along. And I started to imagine if I were sick, maybe I didn't have to go to work. If this is not a warning sign, then I don't know what was.
Then, I chanced upon several life coaching podcasts and some career changing blog posts. I am completely enlightened in a way I couldn't have imagined. The only thing I can control is how my brain thinks and believes. Also, I've forgotten how important it was to highlight personal qualities during job hunting. All the external labels are meaningless and not useful to separate candidates apart. What makes me stand out is not my professional skills but how I am as a person.
And I learned to recognize the difference between resilience and obstinateness. Resilience is about the will to restart anywhere, and should not be confused with staying put. Sometimes status quo is more about being obstinate than resilient. Sometimes it takes more wisdom to move on or cut your losses. Once I figured this out, my vision is clear. I know exactly what I want and need to do.
And I can see my future self says this to the current one: Don't write yourself off so quickly. You alone decide how yourself should be judged.
So I decided to give myself another chance.
I changed my employer to give another shot in life. A new chapter is ahead of me. I can't wait!
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