Who am I ?

I must be heading for the so-called "mid-life" crisis.

I have been trying my luck in the job market this year. Interviews, yes, but job offers, no luck. It almost embarrasses me to say that I have been working for this ghastly place (i.e. my company) for 9 years. Job interview is quite a revealing process for one self. Before the actual interview, you try to prepare a nice CV which summarizes all achievements. That's when you see whether you have been a slacker professionally or not. During the interview, you try to sell yourself the best you can (but remain factual) and you get to know what's expected of you professionally at this level seniority. So, Ms Scientist, I can see that you have some publications. That's nice. What about patents? Uhm...

I realize how much I dislike this ghastly place this year. In my life, everything except this ghastly place is what I would have liked. I am happily married to a loving and caring man. I have a great family behind me. I am living in this town which is desired by many. I am able to travel a few times a year to see places I like and get paid by this ghastly place. Financially I am doing all right. Being able to hold on to a job these days is considered as lucky, right? And I actually enjoy what I do professionally. So what's the problem?

I am not sure that I want to continue doing the same thing for the next 10 years of my life. If not this, then what?

I am very conscious that I may be at my peak of intellectual ability right now. I have a pessimistic view that my professional ability can only go down now (at this age, can anything go up? Oh yes, my weight). I am also very acutely aware of my, yes, biological clock. I am at a age which considered as a high-risk pregnancy group. Should I or shouldn't I? I know that the decision of procreation will change my/our life, permanently. For better or for worse?

That's why I think I am heading for a mid-life crisis. A fork in life, everything unsure and the mother nature is dragging me to another place I don't know. During this time of uncertainty, some buy flashy sports cars. Some have affairs. And I started a blog. So here it is. I am a just another 30 something and still growing (old) person. Thank you for stopping by.